I haven’t been writing many funny stories recently, mostly because I have been GRINDING AT POKER AND WINNING £$£$£$£$£$!!!!!!
I know I always win anyway but the past few months my poker has improved 10000% or more probably. It hasn’t been easy and I have lost some money along the way but I have LEARNED VALUBALE LESSONS and become an even better player. Soon I will be a millionaire or billionaire. Maybe the one above that!!!!
Funny thing is it all started with me playing that stupid Hendon Mob league on Full Tilt and loosing most of my Bank Roll (in poker that means how many dollars you have online, play money doesn’t count). I know that league is rigged because a lot of the time the moderators from the forums seem to have better cards than me and beat me. The forum people probably have special software that can see everybody’s cards because they are in cahoots with Full Tilt. I am not making any accusations and I certainly don’t want any more threatening emails. I’m just saying I think they are cheats and that they made me loose all my money somehow.
After the knock back of entering a couple of rigged $10 tournaments and playing Rush Poker a little bit I was litterly busted. I needed a plan to get my money back so I borrowed some money off my dear old mum and deposited some more onto Rip-Off Tilt but before I played another hand I started my training. I watched Rounders every day and read DOYLE BRUNSON’S SUPER SYSTEM OF POKER 2. I have read most of the first one so it was easier to read the second one and I just read the Hold ‘Em parts and skipped the bit about pot odds (LMAO MATH GEEK POKER STUFF) and then I warmed up a bit by playing poker on Facebook. I won about 200000000 chips after three hands and got a horseshoe, a four leaf clover and somebody sent my a pina-colada. I totally CRUSHED the other players and it was obvious they where scared of my superior skills LOL!!!!
I logged onto Scam Rip-Off Fixed Tilt the next day and played a few small $1 sng’s to get me going. Sure as pickled eggs are picked eggs I lost. Sucked out on by donkey fish again so I upped my stakes because better players know how to play and when to fold and stuff so I thought I had a better chance at winning - but got ripped off AGAIN!!!! It was beyond a joke. I played like it said in the book. I used the special moves that the professionals use on Sky Sports but I lost all my mum’s money that morning and she wasn’t happy but I was EVEN MORE FUMING!!!!!!!
I looked on the internet for other poker sites and found one called Poker Stars. It doesn’t let you be a panda or a surfer but you can use your own picture as long as it’s not of your willy. I was given a formal warning and agreed to post a suitable picture (they are thought police these people, am I the only one who sees this????) and started playing. I had no money to deposit so I entered some Free-Rolls, they are games you can play for nothing but win REAL money, sometimes thousands of dollars!!!!
I played for three weeks and built my bank roll up to 37c. It wasn’t much but I was up for the first time since my mysterious ‘unlucky’ streak at Full Tilt. I have been playing at least fourteen hours everyday for the last 3 months and now have nearly $10 and win money almost everyday. I am going to enter real money games soon and then I will be winning AMAZING MONEY!!! I can’t wait.
I have to go now ‘cos there’s another game starting at 3am and I have to be mentally prepared if I want to cash. I could win up to $6.50. I will keep you all updated on my poker quest to victory and riches.
Stay Lucky!!!!
Roger Porter.